Letting go of the excess baggage

Life is a series of emotional experiences varied by the effect of our environment, people we meet, family, friends, lovers, partners and the list goes on. 

These unique experiences play a role in shaping who we were, who we are and who we are about to become. 

Many of the experiences we collect in life are memorable, treasured and when we recall them fill our hearts with joy and love. 

However, from time to time, we do encounter moments or events that impact us deeply. Experiences that hurt us to our core and give us so much pain we just wonder, how are we going to move on. 

This can cause us to stop, curl up, change who we are, become cautious and suspicious. We know that we never want to feel this way again. 

What we do as we heal is we package these emotions and fear and we let it impact who we are becoming. Most emotional upheavals cause us to change who we are or the direction we may be heading in.  

We can become angry, distrustful, we have triggers that take us back, a word, a tone, a sound.

At an extreme we end up in therapy, we can battle self esteem and confidence issues, we may have breakdowns or suffer depression. 

I have had experiences in my life that have taken me to the edge. 

Its an interesting place to be. 

What I have discovered however, is the human spirit and strength, is an amazing thing. 

Once you decide to step back from the edge you have the ability to rebuild your life with colors that are strong and vibrant. 

Part of the rebuilding though, no matter what emotional experience you are walking away from is to say thank you for the lessons and let go of the fear, the anger, the suspicion. 

You attract into your life what you give out. You have the ability to manifest the outcome. So be very careful of what you do put out. 

When new people come into your life make sure that the baggage you carry, and we all do, is light, full of love and care, lessons that have been learnt and you are ready to create new experiences and lessons. 

Its a bit like going on holiday. Only take the things you need not the whole house.

So let go of the things that don't need to be taken to the next destination.

Who knows what you may find waiting for you if you are just open to it. 

Would anyone miss you?

Can you imagine sitting down with your great grandparents or even your grandparents and explaining to them the world we live in today.

The technology we now have in place would be mind blowing for them. Imagine trying to explain that the mobile phone is all we really need to talk to people, run businesses and stay connected.

The fact that we have connections to people we haven’t even met, thanks to social media platforms such at twitter, facebook and linkedin and we know what is happening anywhere in the world, as it unfolds, through social media rather than the daily papers or the 6pm news. This alone would astound generations gone by.

It’s because of these connections scarcity no longer exists. We can do anything we want with a mobile device and a connection to the internet.  The bottle neck that generations prior to us experienced no longer exists.  

What does this mean for us?

Well, what we do know is that people today are looking for experiences and connections. In fact, most teenagers would rather give up their car and keep their phone as the phone connects them to the rest of the world.

So how are you connecting with your tribe, what stories are you telling them?

Humans are story machines, you need to tell great stories that are memorable and remarkable enough to resonate and spread. No one cares about the facts, they care about the stories.

If one of your colleagues came in with an awesome haircut, you would ask, where did you get that haircut? People remark on the haircut because it was remarkable.

If you had a great massage, the best one you have ever had, no one is going to remark on your massage unless you tell them about it. As the client, you make the experience tangible by sharing it, getting others to connect with the experience and they, in turn, will want the same.

A lot of what we do in real estate is like the haircut and massage. We can run great opens and conduct awesome auctions – very tangible, however how do we make people feel when they interact with us face to face, via the internet or phone; how well are you making the intangible, tangible.

How remarkable is your marketing, the service you deliver, the connections you are building?

They may be remarkable to you but are others going to remark about it.

We create environments by connecting with people, these connections are like links on a chain that you can constantly add to. However to connect with people we need to care about how we make them feel, not just once, but every time we interact with them. You have to care more about the experiences than you do about the transactions.

If you create the connections and feed it with experiences they can remark on, at some point, it will feed you back.

Your customers decide if you are worth remarking on.

A question to ask yourself constantly - if you disappeared from your market place today, would anyone actually miss you?

No matter how large your boards, how big your market share, the tribe you work in will only miss you if you were remarkable to them.

Most of our businesses get noticed. This is different to getting remarked on. The streaker on grand final day gets noticed but the win the Hawks had over the Swans gets remarked on.

If you have not reviewed your business strategy recently or don’t really have one, I would suggest that you review or put one in place immediately. Remember what got you here won’t get you there.

Look for the edge in your business and people, what is your “only” that will blow your competition out of the water.

Just like fashion, remember wedged shoes? They were fashionable, then they weren’t, then they were again. Just because you are remarkable today does not mean you will be tomorrow. So you must constantly invent and reinvest to stay ahead and be remembered.

Being remarkable isn’t enough. Our competitors copy remarkable quickly so you have to be remarkable and valuable to the client at the time they need you.

Our industry is full of databases that no one calls, marketing that too often does not connect with the tribe, service that is average and a pre-conceived reputation with clients that isn’t remarkable. 

What an opportunity!

To be remarkable and valuable is so very easy, most will opt out, however if you are the agent that opts in and provides experiences that are remarkable, creates connections that are constantly added to, understands what your tribe wants because you pay attention, you will never be missed because you will never become extinct.

 

Poor dont drive very far

Well Mr Hockey, our esteemed Treasurer, is in the news yet again and this time over comments that he believes that poor people won’t be impacted by any fuel tax because they don’t drive cars very far or even perhaps own one.

This simple and generalised statement shows how out of touch Mr Hockey really is. In the last 10 months he has been photographed smoking expensive cigars, sitting on a silk chair when making his austerity speech, dancing on the night he announced the need to slash pensions, told us that cuts to the budget didn’t go far enough and complains how hard it is to be the treasurer.

In case you haven’t caught up with the latest, Mr Hockey hopes to re-introduce the fuel excise tax that he sees as a way to raise money to pay for roads.

These comments from a man who is chauffeured to work every day!

The Australian Institute recent analysis states that the poorest 20% spend more than three times as much of their income on petrol; the lowest income earners in Australia spend the greatest amount on fuel as a proportion of income. This research does fly in the face of Mr Hockey’s comments.

Most in the higher income brackets tend to have multiple cars and potentially get a deduction on fuel or have their company pay for all costs associated with their car.

How will a fuel tax impact business and transport of goods, will the additional costs be passed onto the consumer – I suspect it will.

In Melbourne the urban sprawl goes for kilometres into the vastness that is Victoria fuelled by the great Australian dream to own a home on a ¼ acre block.

Inner city high density living is also not a choice for many families, elderly or low income earners due to affordability, lack of space and community feel.

So more and more people are moving out and commuting back into the city or inner city suburbs to work.

The urban sprawl may cater for family, housing and lifestyle needs however it does not necessarily cater for employment needs.

So many of our ‘urban sprawlers’ in fact are driving distances to work. Now according to Mr Hockey’s statement and data, only the rich drive long distances, therefore does this make our ‘urban sprawlers’ rich?

I would suggest Mr Hockey that this segment of our community may disagree with you.

Across the country public transport budgets have been slashed, in fact it was Mr Hockey who slashed the funding to any public transport projects in Australia that wasn’t already under construction.

Anyone who catches public transport in Victoria will certainly agree that we have issues with our trains, trams and buses running to time and in many country areas are non-existent. Which means that they need a car, unless they intend to start riding horses again.

Many in the country drive long distances just to get groceries, get their kids to schools or themselves to work.

The figure Joe is quoting of $16 per week on petrol is an absolute farce. I would love to know who does actually pay that much per week for petrol.

Mr Hockey is making the assumption, based on his data of course, that low income earners don’t have cars or drive long distances is so far from the reality; in fact most often they have old cars that are not fuel efficient. Remember too that low cost housing isn’t always located in the inner city fringe.

Joe Hockey needs to understand that owning a car is not a luxury item, it is a necessity. Majority of us need a vehicle to get us to and from work, visit family and friends, take out kids to school and do the shopping.

The comments made by Mr Hockey smacks of elitist, condescending, us and them mentality which is not what this country is about.

It seems that selling his budget hasn’t been as easy as he thought it may be and he needs some basic sales lessons. Perhaps I will invite him to our next training session.

It sadly does show however how out of touch Mr Hockey and his government perhaps is. 

 

 

The Cat Fish Phenomenon

Most of Melbourne seems to be tuned into the Private Investigator case files with Chrissy and Jane on Mix 101 with the ratings for this segment is through the roof.
Not sure what it is about?

Well it started out as cases about women who have been duped by men on an online internet dating sites. It has however morphed from this and there have been some great stories and connections made.

However when I first heard the program my initial thoughts were – surely they won’t find too many women who have been duped by men; boy was I wrong. 

Whenever I hear the segment I have a mix of sadness, anger, frustration and sheer disbelief at some of the stories.

It seems hard to fathom how people think they have an online "relationship" with someone for years, think they are in love with them yet they have never met them or had any type of social or intimate contact. In fact they are being duped and lied to.

The term used to describe this is “cat fish”; a catfish is someone who pretends to be someone they're not using online dating sites or other social media to create false identities, particularly to pursue deceptive online romances. This concept is not exclusive to male perpetrators either.

What is sad that many have been part of the catfish hoax for years and the perpetrators have absolutely no remorse on what they are doing.

In fact in the USA there is a TV show around this whole issue and yes the word catfish has actually been added to the English dictionary.

These days many people choose to use online sites to find their next partner. You connect with people who you don’t know, have never met and you spend significant time talking via the chat site, text messaging or email.

The old fashioned meet and date – where you took someone out for a drink, shared with them who you are, what you do seems to have disappeared. The drink at the bar has been replaced by the internet chat sites and the romantic dinner where you have a face to face conversation is now via  text or email.

The problem with dating sites replacing old fashioned dating is that people can and do lie about who they are, what they do, their age, marital status, name, build, professional and much more.

And it seems that even the smartest of people are being fooled by these “cat fish”.

How have we come to this as a society?

According to statistics almost 1 in 2 people now get divorced. Which means that more and more are going to find themselves on these online sites looking for love.

Yet how can we find love when so many people on these on line sites are lying, cheating, looking for one night stands, married and creating elaborate hoax’s simply to get a date or sex.

I am still finding it hard to fathom that as humans, all with feelings, all with the ability to get hurt, are behaving in ways that cause nothing but distrust, distress and pain.

In fact if you are on-line dating I would suggest that you approach anyone you meet with the acceptance that they are going to be lying to you about something. Stop trusting everything you are told, that is simply stupid and you will get hurt.

People we meet on the internet wether on face book, dating sites are not friends or even acquaintances; they are strangers about whom we know nothing about.

Loneliness, fear of being alone, needing someone in your life to love you and share the good and bad stuff is all normal and it is this that drives many to online sites looking for that next person to love or be loved by.

However sadly it seems that the unemotional on-line world has the capability brings the worst out in many of us.

What does having it all actually mean?

It seems that the question on whether women can have it all is one that may never disappear as long as women are in the work place.

Frankly, I am getting rather tired of this question and even more so when successful women who are role models to many come out and say, “No, women can’t have it all”.

What does having it all actually mean? Whose standard of ‘having it all’ are we aspiring to?

Why is it that we don’t ask this question of men? In fact, when was the last time anyone asked Richard Branson can he have it all?

Are we, as women, benchmarking ourselves against men in regards to this concept and if that is the case let me tell you that men don’t have it all either.

As a CEO, single mum, author, speaker and founder of a not for profit, I can categorically tell you “yes, I can have it all” according to what I want. I may not be able to have it all at the same time, frankly who can, not even men.

The CEO of Pepsi recently revealed in an interview that her mum was not that impressed with her success and appointment as CEO at Pepsi.

I related to this story, I too am an Indian woman who chose to go back to work post children, I had dreams of having a successful career, of being a trailblazer and being recognised for the achievements I have had in business. There are many Indian women in business however there are many also whose family have expected them to take the more traditional role of wife, mother and carer.

For years my mum showed no interest in my career, what I did or my successes as she was far too busy telling me how poor a mum I was because my kids were in childcare and I had chosen to go back to work. I don’t think she understands even today what it is that I do.

For many years I wanted my parents to be proud of me, to recognise my achievements and celebrate my milestones. For a long time it frustrated me, even made me angry that they didn’t see any of this.

However, there came a point in my life where the light bulb went on and I realised that they were never going to get it and I needed to start achieving milestones for myself.

When I won the Vic Telstra Business Woman awards in 2013 my parents were both there, yes they were proud of me, no they didn’t understand what the achievement really meant or my journey but the fact they were there and proud of me, was enough. That award was personal it was for me, not anyone else.

My kids went to childcare, I only did tuckshop once the entire time both my kids were at school, I was the school council president, I forgot to pick my son up from school often, I didn’t get to every school play or activity and was there guilt around the things I couldn’t get to? Yes, there was at the start but I learned to put the guilt aside and instead focus on the key things in my kid’s lives that I could participate in that were important to them.

Now I am a single mum to teenage children and it does not get any easier. The demands they have are different. I have a strict routine, start early, finish early, no meetings on Tues and Wed after 4.30 as I have to take my son to tennis and footy training. On both Saturday and Sunday I am the taxi driver spending up to five hours driving him around to various activities.

I don’t work every night and I don’t work every weekend. I have friends I go out with and on the odd occasion I may even go out on a date (that’s a whole other article).

My daughter was asked the question the other day: “who is your role model?” She took a long time to think about the answer, I expected it to be Oprah or Hilary Clinton but her answer was her mum. And that was enough for me to know that the choices I had made were right.

In terms of my career, well it keeps getting better and better. I am leading a company that is in growth mode, the brand equity is at an all-time high and this has occurred under my leadership.

I am seen as an industry leader, commentator, disrupter and agitator - all titles I am very comfortable with.

I am being asked to speak at conferences and forums about the Sadhana Smiles journey, my views on leadership and whether women can have it all.

So what does having it all actually mean?

Well, I believe I do have it all and to me it means the following; I have a family (children) that love each other unconditionally, friends who are loyal and honest and a career that is fulfilling. I have the ability to achieve what I want to, without detriment to those around me, I have the ability to give back and positively impact many lives.

This question – “can we have it all” - is becoming rhetoric and I question whether it is getting in the way, does it make us doubt our own capabilities as women and what we can achieve?

If you asked me the question; “What sacrifices have I made or what would I change”, my answer would be nothing.

I don’t see the choices I made with my partner and my children as sacrifices. They were the best choices to be made at the time given the circumstances. If given the choice would I attend more reading classes with my kids at school? No I wouldn’t. Does that make me a bad mother? No it doesn’t.

What we have to be careful of is that we don’t take this statement or question of ‘can women have it all’ and apply a genic standard to it.

Having it all is different to each and every one of us, and if we can have it all in each of the areas that are important to us then the answer is a resounding YES!

Remember that you are not going to wake up one morning and say: yes I can tick the box now I have it all!

Having it all is the journey of life, it is a culmination of achievements both business and personal, things that are important to you and those around you.

When I draw my last breath I will do so knowing that I have done exactly what it was that I wanted to. That to me is having it all

 

Storm in a cupcake or is it?

Earlier this year female students at Monash University decided to run a “cupcake” campaign that highlighted pay inequity that women experience in the corporate world.
The idea was unique and highlighted a key issue rather well; however they did create a storm in the process.

What they did was sell cupcakes and price them based on gender. If you were female you paid .80cents, if you were male you paid $1.00 and if you were transgender .60cents.

The students were accused of sexism and a social media storm erupted with their biggest critics being, men!

However I believe that this activity highlighted on a micro scale the gender pay inequality that exists today. Why not apply the theory that a male’s increased buying power allows goods and services to be charged more for? We could actually label this as positive discrimination.  

Great idea, fabulous way to highlight the issue and get discussion around it. However we wouldn’t really go down the path of actually endorsing men pay more than women? Or would we?

Let’s consider for a moment the fact that close to one in two couples get divorced, this means that more women are supporting families or living independent lives without a male partner to share the financial load.

This means that those women who are paid less than their male counterparts do have their buying power impacted and as a result their standard of living.

Less pay means they are also getting less superannuation which will impact them at retirement.

It also impacts their ability to invest in property or stock market to build wealth.

The inequality on cupcake pricing is a great way to highlight an issue that impacts women. The students may have sold cupcakes at a higher price to men, however the reality of pay inequality against women has a far greater impact. 

Paid Parental Leave

There has been much discussion on Tony Abbots recent announcement to reduce the paid parental leave threshold down to earnings of $100k or less. This scheme is designed to encourage women in the work place who have had or are having babies back into the work place post maternal leave.

The levy is to be partly funded by a 1.5% levy on large companies who I have no doubt will pass this onto their consumers so in fact in some way we all end up paying for the PPL leave scheme.

Abbot took this policy to his 2010 elections, in fact announcing it at an Internal Women’s Day Event, one of his arguments is that if we get paid when we are on holidays or on sick leave then why should we not get paid when we are on maternity leave. Large businesses however do not get levied for all employees taking sick or holiday leave.

I am a cynic when it comes to Abbott and his policies and one could suggest that he has taken this policy on board and continues to push it to “buy” the female vote as such.

My questions around PPL are is the economy strong enough to sustain it when unemployment is on the rise and the government is proposing a deficit levy on those earning more than $80k per year to balance the budget.

It is important to note that in Australia only 2% of women earning more than $100K are actually of child bearing age.

There is however a fundamental issue that this government is not addressing and that is the cost of child care and the ongoing shortage of child care places.

As a mum who opted to stay at home one of the issues I faced, and what many mums do, was not that I didn’t want to return to work or that I was financially in strife if I stayed at home, it was more around the fact that by choosing to go back to work I was going to place an additional strain on the income that I earned due to child care costs.

So my options were not to return, return part time or return full time knowing that I was in fact not going to be bringing home the level of income I should due to the exorbitant cost of child care.

I believe that the cost of child care in Australia is the key inhibiter of why women don’t return to the workforce.

And in fact those that do often rely on grandparents, partner, nannies to help with their childcare needs – I did.

Perhaps instead of a PPL scheme the government should be considering investment in childcare rebates. Why not make the cost of child care a tax deduction for the woman returning to work earning under $150,000.

I believe if the reason for PPL is to increase female participation back into to the work force post children then the missing piece is child care. Most women I believe will choose to stay at home or return part time due to the cost of or the unavailability of affordable child care something that the PPL in its current form does not address.